wildchocolate

It’s freakin’ hard to do. Great blog post, huh? No seriously though. I have learned an awful lot recently from speaking my mind on controversial topics. It comes naturally to me to say what I think and I’ve never been the person to go along with things when they don’t seem right. Maybe it’s just the way I see the world, my perfectionist personality, or perhaps it’s my industrial engineering background, but I can’t help it. I’m just always trying to improve everything - make it just a little bit better than it currently is. I don’t believe there’s ever a point at which you can say nothing needs to change. About practically anything. You can always go one step further, be just a little bit better. That’s my opinion anyway. So I tend to notice when something could be better and I try and share my opinions. Once I post my heart and soul to the public domain, that’s when things really get interesting.

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!

So first let me start with people’s reactions to controversial ideas. We all know that we as human beings are resistant to change. It takes a lot of work to affect change, especially on something where people’s opinions are mixed (just look at the US government). Many people also tend to defend the status quo. At least as their initial reaction to a challenge or criticism. Others are better at looking objectively at differing view points and potentially seeing the merits, but I don’t think this comes naturally to most. Therefore, the first reaction is often to reject change because there’s nothing wrong with how things are now. (Obviously.)

The one who yells the loudest wins.

It’s true that well known people are hard to compete with when you’re just some random. But nobody is right all the time. Often a fresh perspective on something can make a huge impact. This ability to objectively work with diverse perspectives is coveted in any business team worth it’s salt. I think we all tend to forget this sometimes. For the record, I think it’s tacky to tear down someone by talking over them. Especially if you haven’t taken the time to really think about what they’re trying to say objectively. But that’s just me.

So you’re saying I should jump off a cliff??!

Ugh. No, really I’m not. Did you even read my post? The ability of people to twist your words, to exaggerate or read into things, is insanely huge. I learned that even if I were to re-read a blog post 1,000 times, placing every word in every sentence perfectly so as to get my message across exactly as I intend, people would still see something that isn’t there. Or at least, that isn’t what I was trying to say. Then as the writer you’re faced with, do I defend myself against these outrageous counter points or just ignore them completely because they’re so off base. It’s a tough position.

When I write something, and I imagine this is true with a lot of people, I’m just sharing my point of view. Perhaps I’m trying to be persuasive but that’s because I’m trying to get people to think about things a little differently. I personally am never writing a piece to tell everyone that they are 100% wrong and I am 100% right. That’s just silly. I don’t think I’m perfect and the authority on everything. I’m not trying to pick a fight, so please don’t start something immature because I spoke my mind and you didn’t agree. Feel free to disagree. But also, please feel free to stop and consider for a second, and challenge your own views. Besides, it’s in your own best interest to really think about your argument before you put it out there and potentially make yourself look like a fool.

OMG, she’s such a ______

What are we 10? What’s with the labeling and the judging. Someone actually used the argument that I’m from the midwest to explain why I just don’t get how things are and am wrong. I actually laughed out loud when I read this comment. Perhaps they were joking but I’ve had some pretty outrageously ignorant and just plain goofy responses to my pieces so I wouldn’t be surprised. Sometimes these kinds of responses are funny, sometimes they are down right cruel. I immediately get the urge to defend myself. To say, “hey I’ve spent plenty of time in cities all over and the geography of where I currently live has exactly nothing to do with this.” But that will never work. Frankly, I don’t feel that I should need to defend myself against something so ridiculous. And then someone agrees with the person’s assessment and then it just goes downhill from there. Unbelievable.

I secretly agree with you.

My most recent blog post that was controversial discussed my opinions on sexism and inappropriate content at professional events. A LOT of people were on my side and that was amazing. But I found it somewhat disappointing that quite a few rather big name folks in my industry whole heartedly agreed with me in private (via DM on Twitter or emails) but said exactly nothing one way or the other in the public view. I get why that is though, it’s because of what I’m talking about right now.

When you put yourself on the line, and say what you think publicly, it becomes dangerous. I imagine the larger your reach, the more backlash you get just from saying one thing. To go up against some of your fans on a controversial topic is just not worth the headache. I get it, I really do. The problem with this though, is if the people with the greatest ability to reach others fail to stand up for what they really think, nothing’s ever going to get any better. Thankfully there are some leaders out there who aren’t afraid, I just wish there were more.

People are inherently good.

Despite all the headache and the harsh disagreement, I’ve found that most people are really good on the inside. For every one person who has made a rude judgement or responded harshly to something I’ve said, there have been five more people who were kind and supportive. That’s probably even more than I would have expected. I feel now more than ever that speaking your mind on something you’re passionate about is even more essential to do when the topic is something touchy. People are scared to bring it up, but you won’t know what they are really thinking until you do. So despite all the difficult lessons I’ve learned, I will continue to say what I think. More good comes of it than bad, and it’s the only way to make my world a little better.

So, thanks for the support people! And expect to read more of my strong opinions in the future. (If you’re willing to hear me out.)

Dear Mac/iOS Developer Community,

Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes who may be different from yourself and attempt to understand/have compassion towards that person’s feelings, especially if their feelings are different from your own. If you do not consider yourself to be a particularly empathetic person, there’s no need to read any further.

I attended a Mac developer conference recently and overall had a great experience. I had the opportunity to meet and get to know many great developers while learning a few things too. Unfortunately, I left with a bit of a bad taste in my mouth. This feeling I attribute to a lack of conduct standards, and a failure by many of us to understand the changes in the industry that have been occurring, like it or not, over the years.

Here is what happened. I sat down to listen to a talk that I could tell by the title of the talk, was going to be inappropriate. I thought to myself, I’m at a respectful Mac conference, the organizer is walking around in a suit and conducting himself very professionally, I’m sure it will be ok. This was, in fact, a poor assumption. The speaker prefaced his talk by basically stating there was a little substance, but that most of the topics were being presented simply because of the sexual or otherwise inappropriate jokes that could be formed from the topics. For instance, jokes that can be made about “autoreleasing”. I’ll let you think about that for a second and you basically understand how this went. About ten minutes in, I was thoroughly disappointed in the immaturity and inappropriateness and walked out of the room. As others informed me later, it did not get any better. There were tidbits of information weaved in, but the overarching theme remained the same.

Sadly, this was not the only offensive point in the week. The highly respected keynote speaker managed to weave in a reference to a female celebrity’s “tits and ass” in his discussion, which I found awfully distasteful.

Now, I know that being one of the handful of women in attendance at the conference, I am in a serious minority in terms of the way I experience and react to things such as this. I also know that it’s quite possible that others would not be offended as they may have the same, in my opinion immature, sense of humor. Yet, in discussing with others, including members of my team, I found that I was not alone in finding these references uncomfortable.

Why is it that an inappropriate talk would even be permitted on a stage at any respectable conference? How does this in any way further the advancement of the software industry at large, and the Mac community especially? In my opinion, it sets us back quite a bit. During one of the much more informative and respectable talks of the week, the topic of diversity was brought up. The speaker pointed out the fact that the Mac community is full of mostly men from an educated and higher income background. The context was in discussion of how we tend to gravitate towards like minded people. And in fact, it’s impossible to argue that this is a truly diverse field by any means because women and minorities are grossly underrepresented as I’m sure you know.

However, what this experience and other similar encounters I have had in the last three years as a Mac developer have started to suggest is, maybe the Mac community doesn’t want people like me to be comfortable? Perhaps they would rather keep this a boy’s club forever, and it’s simply irritating when people like me disrupt that.

Wow, does that thought scare me. Coming from a different industry where diversity is praised and encouraged, could it be that software developers want the exact opposite? Clearly not all of us. But, perhaps some of the organizers of this particular conference gravitate toward that mindset.

The Mac development community has changed a lot over the years. There are new iOS consulting companies popping up all the time. Macs are in more homes than ever before in history. Mac developers are hiring business partners, even donning suits sometimes, and prancing into major corporations to work on exciting applications. It’s a new world, folks. And as a result, there will likely be growing pains.

All I ask is this…

First, if you are in a position where you can control the conduct and standards at a software event that is intended to be in any way professional, you are therefore obligated to do so. Or at least warn people who may be attending otherwise, so we may steer clear.

Second, before you start to defend this kind of inappropriate behavior in a professional setting, think about how you would feel if I were your daughter or your sister. I’m not against inappropriate humor by any means, I just think there’s a time and a place. This was not it.

Do we want the Mac community to be a place where anyone, regardless of gender, race, religion, etc. feels uncomfortable?

Diversity is great. It shows that our field is growing up. But diversity can only happen with acceptance, tolerance, and the ability to empathize with those who may feel uncomfortable, even if you yourself do not. I sincerely hope that at future Mac community events, I will not be similarly offended.

Thank you to the wonderful guys who provided support and feedback in preparation for this article. It’s nice to know we have some gentlemen out there in the Mac community!

Sincerely,

Brit

Update: After getting in touch with the conference organizers, I have a lot of hope regarding this issue. They were very concerned, apologetic, and acknowledged that this should not happen at a professional event. Thank you!